The Power of Therapeutic coaching and Family Constellations
I’ve just spent a few days with a group doing my Sober Coach Traning, and of course much of it is personal development. In order to coach others we need to ‘fine tune’ ourselves, and one of the most rewarding parts of the training is looking back at our early childhood and seeing which memories still hold an emotional charge for us. Its good to notice which seemingly innocuous moments, still trigger us 30, 40 even 50 years later? We look at the whole idea of Trauma and Traumatic experiences, (and that’s trauma, the big stuff, and the seemingly inconsequential) In the end, its not so much about what happened to you, (we can’t change the past) but about what we made it mean. I also share with my coaches the concept that our past, and what has happened to us as children is not our fault, (anyone seen the powerful scene with Matt Damon in Goodwill Hunting?)…ITS NOT YOUR FAULT! but it IS your responsibility now, and that offers an amazing opportunity to heal.
In addition to our childhood memories most of us carry ‘stuff’ from our ancestors. Since training as a Family Constellations practitioner, I have been blown away by the healing that can come about when we recognhise that by healing the present, we can heal the past.
It was good to see some of this addressed in the Daily Mail of all places.
In John Naish’s article, he explores the idea that inter generational trauma, such as emotional or psychological stress experienced by our grandparents, can manifest in the health and well-being of later generations. This “emotional inheritance” can influence how we age, how prone we are to anxiety, and even how we respond to life’s challenges.
The article references a study on Epigenetics, which suggests that trauma experienced by previous generations can be passed down through changes in gene expression, influencing how future generations respond to stress. The study focused on the emotional and biological effects of ancestral trauma, such as war or famine, on descendants and suggests that addressing these inherited impacts involves emotional healing, such as mindfulness, therapy, and specifically working through unresolved family dynamics. They also recommend exercise, and choosing not to eat ultra-processed foods can help to reduce chronic inflammation – so often linked to stress and trauma.
Of course I agree that we should be mindful, eat well, and practice ‘extreme’ selfcare, but I’d add in that it’s essential to try techniques and modalities that have been proven to help people break free from these inter generational patterns.
TherapeuticTechniques like Family Constellations and reframing limiting beliefs through modalities such as Matrix Reimprinting are very powerful, and I LOVE incorporating them into my work. Family Constellations delves into family dynamics and unresolved traumas, along with reframing limiting beliefs, and can be amazing at help individuals break free from these inherited emotional patterns. By addressing underlying emotional blockages, these techniques allow us to heal. Reframing limiting beliefs—thoughts that hold us back—can also empower us to create healthier emotional responses, breaking free from patterns that have spanned generations.
Be careful what you say…your body is listening!
What we are told as children can profoundly shape our beliefs, behaviours, and self-perception as adults. For example, if a child is repeatedly told to “shut up” or made to feel that their voice isn’t important, they may internalize the belief that speaking up is unsafe or undesirable. This can lead to a fear of public speaking or expressing opinions.
Such negative messages plant seeds of self-doubt and can limit someone’s confidence. As adults, we often find ourselves restricted by these childhood beliefs, even if they no longer serve us. When we’re told things like “be quiet,” “you’re too much,” or “you’ll never succeed,” we may grow up carrying a fear of failure, rejection, or of being judged.
Through techniques like reframing limiting beliefs, we can challenge and change these ingrained patterns. Reframing involves recognizing where these negative beliefs came from, questioning their validity, and replacing them with more empowering thoughts. By doing so, it’s possible to break free from the constraints of early conditioning and foster greater self-acceptance and confidence.
Family Constellations therapy can also support this process by identifying hidden family dynamics or ancestral traumas that may have contributed to these limiting beliefs, offering a chance for deeper emotional healing. This holistic approach helps people understand the source of their fears and develop healthier, more authentic ways of being. In one session of Constellations we can get a completely different perspective, heal our present, and ‘break the cycle’
It’s not so much what happened to you, it’s what you made it mean,
I share with coaches that when I was around ten years old, we had no less than ten teachers across a couple of terms, each temporary teacher didn’t seem to think it worth teaching so we just played games and did art projects, which suited me fine! One day the Head came into the classroom, picked us out individually and fired a question at us. He barked at me: ‘Name the planets in the solar system!’ I said (truthfully) ‘I ‘don’t know, I’m sorry, I haven’t been taught that’ He roared…’Well then you are STUPID ..leave the classroom !
Every fibre of my being took that on board and I carried with me into adulthood the belief that I was indeed stupid and had zero general knowledge, of course I was a singer, radio presenter et al, but I refused countless times over the years to ever be part of a pub quiz team because I would lose it for them, (unless it was the pop music round) I finally was able to do the work and let that ridiculous limiting belief and incorrect ‘story’ go about 10 years ago.
We all respond differently of course. Tim Martin, the founder of the Wetherspoon pub chain, has shared that a teacher once told him he would “never amount to anything.” Tim Martin named his ‘empire’ after that teacher Mr Wetherspoon. Martin chose the name in part as a nod to that teacher’s criticism, which ironically became linked with his enormous success.
Cheers to that Tim! (AF beer of course!)
Janey Lee Grace offers 1-1 sessions in Matrix Reimprinting and Family Constellations workshops with a leading trauma expert